What Those "Code Words" in Personal Ads Really Mean

EUPHEMISM                       TRANSLATION
____________________________    _______________________________________
40ish                           52 and looking for 25-year old
Affectionate                    Needy, and looking for mother figure
Aging child                     Self-centered adult
Ambitious                       Ruthlessly exploits people
Artist                          Unreliable
Athletic                        Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Beautiful                       Pathological liar
Educated                        Will always treat you like an idiot
Employed                        Part-time job stuffing envelopes at home
Enjoy life's pleasures          Overindulged, spoiled brat
Enjoy long walks                Car is in the repair shop
Enjoy moonlit nights            Can't pay the electric bill
Excited about life's journey    No concept of reality
Financially secure              Has $5 in the bank
Flexible                        Desperate
Free Spirit                     Substance abuser
Friendship first                As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun                             Good with a remote and a six pack
Gentle                          Comatose
Good sense of humor             Watches a lot of television
Intuitive                       Your opinion doesn't count
Irreverent                      Nasty and lacking basic social skills
Like to cuddle                  Insecure overly dependent
Moody                           Manic-depressive
Nontraditional                  Ex-wife lives in the basement
Old-fashioned                   Lights out, missionary position only
Openminded                      Desperate
Outgoing                        Loud
Passionate                      Loud
Physically fit                  Spends a lot of time in front of mirrors
Poet                            Boring manic-depressive
Professional                    Owns a white button-down
Reliable                        Shows up on time, give or take 3 hours
Self-employed                   Jobless
Soulful                         Quiet manic-depressive
Spiritual                       Involved with a cult
Spiritually evolved             Oversensitive
Spontaneous                     Picks his nose at traffic lights
Spontaneous/Eclectic            Scatterbrained
Stable                          Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Sultry/Sensual                  Easy
Swarthy                         Sweaty even when cold or standing still
Thoughtful                      Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Unaffected and earthy           Slob and lacking basic social skills
Uninhibited                     Lacking basic social skills
Very human                      Quasimodo's best friend
Wants Soulmate                  One step away from stalking
Writer                          Once scribbled on a bathroom stall 
Youthful                        Over 40, and trying to deny it

Courtesy of UNIX "Fortune Cookies" and Net folklore