EUPHEMISM TRANSLATION ____________________________ _______________________________________ 40ish 52 and looking for 25-year old Affectionate Needy, and looking for mother figure Aging child Self-centered adult Ambitious Ruthlessly exploits people Artist Unreliable Athletic Sits on the couch and watches ESPN Beautiful Pathological liar Educated Will always treat you like an idiot Employed Part-time job stuffing envelopes at home Enjoy life's pleasures Overindulged, spoiled brat Enjoy long walks Car is in the repair shop Enjoy moonlit nights Can't pay the electric bill Excited about life's journey No concept of reality Financially secure Has $5 in the bank Flexible Desperate Free Spirit Substance abuser Friendship first As long as friendship involves nudity Fun Good with a remote and a six pack Gentle Comatose Good sense of humor Watches a lot of television Intuitive Your opinion doesn't count Irreverent Nasty and lacking basic social skills Like to cuddle Insecure overly dependent Moody Manic-depressive Nontraditional Ex-wife lives in the basement Old-fashioned Lights out, missionary position only Openminded Desperate Outgoing Loud Passionate Loud Physically fit Spends a lot of time in front of mirrors Poet Boring manic-depressive Professional Owns a white button-down Reliable Shows up on time, give or take 3 hours Self-employed Jobless Soulful Quiet manic-depressive Spiritual Involved with a cult Spiritually evolved Oversensitive Spontaneous Picks his nose at traffic lights Spontaneous/Eclectic Scatterbrained Stable Occasional stalker, but never arrested Sultry/Sensual Easy Swarthy Sweaty even when cold or standing still Thoughtful Says "Please" when demanding a beer Unaffected and earthy Slob and lacking basic social skills Uninhibited Lacking basic social skills Very human Quasimodo's best friend Wants Soulmate One step away from stalking Writer Once scribbled on a bathroom stall Youthful Over 40, and trying to deny it