HOW-2 Meet Women

From [email protected] Aug 14 14:48:00 1997
Date: Sun, 10 Aug 1997 16:52:07 -0700 (MST)
From: "M. Leo Cooper" <[email protected]>
To: <destination deleted>
Subject: Re: Those are really wise words

On Sun, 10 Aug 1997, <name deleted> wrote:

> I must admit it, i'm really a shy, sensitive guy at heart.

Aren't we all?

> But I have to constantly play the role of the sex starved, bold knight
> in order to simply SURVIVE.

No, you don't have to, you choose to.

> Why, just to get through the day I have to pretend
> to be a social animal, that I have to be reeking of libido and full of
> love...

Why? To impress your friends? To attract women? If so,
a) friends like that you don't need, and
b) women like that you don't need.

> I admit it, I've fallen into the trap of your so succinctly
> stated "beautiful people" syndrome. Smug, unapproachable, and all that
> crap. I've discovered that being full of myself only leads
> to misery.

I have a pretty good hunch that many of the so-called "beautiful people" feel out of place, that they are really somewhat normal human beings just faking it. Pretending to be something you're not requires a tremendous expenditure of energy, of life force that could better be used for higher purposes, such as making you a more interesting, more vital, more lovable person.

> The trick is, how can I approach women, especially someone I would
> want to meet and get to know, and if I fail, escape with my pride
> and integrity intact?

Develop enough self-confidence so that you can deal with rejection.

> Women are vicious creatures..all too willing to hurl insults and put downs

Some women are like this, and those are the ones you want to avoid. Catching a few insults and putdowns is a small enough price to pay to find out what kind of person they are. Consider it fair warning that this is a woman you want to leave to some other victim to deal with.

> sometimes I do take it personally and it really hurts.

Pain is part of being human. Learning that you can endure and survive it makes you stronger.

> Even if they're nonvocal in their rejection, I can just tell by the
> vibe that they think I'm a jerk or a loser.

You are responsible for your behavior, not for their thoughts about you. If they think you a jerk/loser, that means emphatically that they are not the women for you. Your own inner judgment about yourself is what counts.

People who are "inner directed", who have confidence and a good self-image, are much less susceptible to manipulation and exploitation by others. The lesson for lonely people is to "optimize" what they are, to become "inner directed".

> It's hard enough to get the energy to be social enough to attract my one and only.
> So...what's the alternative? I've been considering hookers but that whole deal
> is just too crappy. And that's what it is, a "deal".

Patience, patience, and fortitude. Keep trying, and don't set a timetable for yourself. Develop yourself, become a more interesting, "worthwhile", and confident person, and you will attract others to you.

Resorting to prostitutes is a dead certain path to despair and disease.

> You don't have to answer my e-mail. But I would like to say your page
> has definitely been something to think about.

Thank you for your encouraging words.

May I have your permission to quote from your letter (keeping you and your e-mail address anonymous, of course)? I think you eloquently express concerns of many single young men.

> -a nihilistic hermit from <deleted>
>
> P.S. I am a romantic at heart. Iswear.;-)

When it comes time for your to decide between nihilism and romanticism, I hope you make the choice that leads to your personal happiness.

All the best.

(Cartaphilus)