The Pickup Line

The so-called pickup line is a desperation measure, an awkward attempt to short-circuit the normal acquaintanceship process, an exercise in futility. "If you were a cookie, I wouldn't leave a crumb." How pathetic, embarrassing to the speaker and offensive to the recipient, elevating to new heights the art making a fool of yourself.

Consider one of the more endearing lines. "Do you have a quarter?" "Why?" "My mother told me to call her when I met the woman of my dreams." This one deserves at least a giggle, perhaps even a "nice try, but...". Oh, well.

"Do you believe in love at first sight... or should I walk past you again?" Snickers of disbelief.

If using a pickup line is vastly overrated for the self-confident, socially adept male, it is virtually useless for the shy guy. "Foxy lady, I've been too busy drooling over you to remember that I'm normally tongue tied in the presence of beautiful women. Allow me to force my presence upon you so I won't be overwhelmed by the loneliness and despair that afflict me." This is the pickup line reduced to its bare essentials, touching in its honesty and depth of feeling, sure to rate at least a "superior" on the derision scale, and even so, more amusing than 90% of the lines in common usage.

Anxiety and fear strangle the magic flow of words, the give-and-take between two persons newly discovering each other. All the same, better to risk nervous silence than to subvert and contaminate the dance by practiced glibness, by carefully rehearsed phrases designed to manipulate and seduce. Most intelligent women prefer the company of a sweating, stuttering real person to that of a sleazeball.

"Madam, I'm Adam." Thus did the first man purportedly introduce himself to his intended. Eve, no doubt enchanted that this line was a palindrome in the not yet invented English language, could not have helped being impressed by its cleverness. The rest, as they say, is history. Even if not endowed with a name that so lends itself to wordplay, you may nevertheless employ some variation of the plain-and-simple introduction. "Hi ho, I'm Joe" gets more points than "We were lovers in a past life". Spontaneity beats clichés every time.

Being resourceful and quick on your feet is essential, and a ready sense of humor guides you past the rough spots. Most of all, the heady feeling of just being able to talk to women, at ease and enjoying yourself, will build your self-confidence and people skills to the point that you become a sought after conversation partner.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds.
A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
Clive James