HOW-2 Meet Women



Chapter 8


Where Are They?

Women are everywhere. You bump into them at work, at the supermarket, on the street. She is the person in the apartment down the hall, your sister's best friend, the clerk at the convenience store, the one you bump into at the laundromat. Why then is it so difficult to connect? On the one hand, you may be completely unknown to these women, and leaping the hurdle of the introduction and acquaintance period is, as yet, too daunting for your fledgling social skills. Conversely, perhaps you are already acquainted, familiar, too familiar, commonplace, taken for granted and ignored.

Distance is the key concept here. An element of strangeness, of unfamiliarity, of the exotic, all this hints at the intriguing possibilities of romance. It helps to be recognizable, but not so well known that familiarity trivializes the budding relationship, and yes, breeds contempt.

The course of love is rocky, by custom, tradition, and myth. Romantic love thrives on adversity, on challenge, on resistance, on hindrances, on barriers to be overcome, on prohibitions, on taboos to be broken, on tension, on crises, on anguish, on despair, on secret meetings, on stolen kisses, on forbidden touches, on disapproving parents, on broken-glass topped walls that keep the lovers apart. If matters proceed too easily, too smoothly, then the excitement slowly leaks out of the relationship, and it slowly coasts downhill toward the dreaded pronouncement of "let's just be friends".

At Work

The workplace would seem the most logical place to find a lover. What could be more natural than to befriend, and to form close bonds with your colleagues? Working side by side, being on the same team, sharing responsibilities, basking in triumph and bouncing back from failure together, all this forges camaraderie. This can be the prelude to close friendship, even an intimate relationship or two.

At work, you see the same women, day after day. This situation favors the gradual approach to enlarging your circle of female acquaintances. If you are a bit leery of asking to be introduced to someone you wish to meet, you can always practice a bit of subtlety. Smile at her one day. See if she returns your smile. If so, make a routine of exchanging smiles every morning and evening. Begin to wave 'hello' to her. Finally, you might get to the point where you actually exchange a few words... and things may progress from there. The advantage of this strategy is that either of you can stop, or even retreat at any point in the process without undue embarrassment or trauma.

A workplace romance with a subordinate, or, worse yet, with a supervisor, can be risky. It may interfere with the performance of your duties and jeopardize your advancement or even continued tenure on the job. Making an advance toward a fellow employee (or having one made toward you) could destabilize or upset the delicate relationships in your working group. Exercise caution, or, at the very least, discretion.

Where To Look

People close to home
         Friends of friends
         People you grew up with
         Sisters of childhood friends

Introductions by family members and relatives

         Matchmaking maiden aunts have been subjected to ridicule
         for generations, but they have helped many a lonely man
         find the woman who brought him happiness.

Religious services and functions

         Sharing a religious heritage and spiritual experience creates
         powerful bonds between people.

School (continuing education, alternative education, night school)

         Classes where there would likely be a high proportion of women:
             Gourmet cookery
             Foreign language instruction
             Music and fine arts
             Sewing, embroidery, weaving
             Crafts instruction (pottery, silversmithing, stained glass)
             New Age / spirituality (astrology, tarot, I Ching)

Activities and hobbies
         Reading clubs and literary circles
         Poetry readings
         Writers workshops
         Discussion groups
         Amateur entertainment nights (singing / playing instruments)
         Cultural events
         Street fairs
         Flea markets
         Folk, square, and country dancing

Volunteer work & charity

         Literacy programs
         Homeless shelters
         Soup kitchens
         Visiting the sick at local hospitals

Community organizations, meetings

         Political organizations and activities
         (Join your local Democratic or Republican club)



Gaming Clubs

         Board Games
         ----- -----

         Your local Scrabble [TM] club, 
         a great place to meet women and, incidentally, enjoy yourself.

         Chess clubs are attracting an increasing number of women.

            If you can't play, learn... 
            A "fourth" for bridge is always in demand.



The premier hiking organization remains American Youth Hostels (AYH). Despite its name, there is no age limit for membership, and people of all ages participate in its day trips, bike/hike outings, and other activities. With its annual membership fee still at about $20 for adults, this is a great bargain.

Based on one person's experience of day hikes with the New York City chapter some years back, there always seemed to be a sufficiency of single women in the 20 - 60 year age group participating, certainly enough to keep things interesting. As the word got around that this was a good way for women to meet eligible men, the proportion of women to men on the trips increased from an average 1:3 to as high as 2:1.

733 15th Street, NW
Suite 840
Washington, DC 20005
(202) 783-6161
(202) 783-6171 Fax
[email protected]

Supermarket shopping?

    If you have eight cans of single-serving spaghetti in your cart,
    that is a dead giveaway to every woman in sight that you live alone.

    A slightly "mussed" look, and a shirt with a button or two
    missing contributes to the impression that you are not being
    cared for, and in need of mothering. Expect to be approached.

"Singles" organizations

    At the bottom of the list, deliberately.
    This is a last resort option.

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd.
The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

Alan Ashley-Pitt


Scrabble is a registered trademark of the Milton Bradley Co., Inc.