Test
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the
greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.
C.C. Colton
What "self-help" book could be complete without a test?
Consider this a simulation rather than a traditional test of skills.
There are no wrong answers. The purpose of these exercises is to test
your resourcefulness, your ingenuity, and your presence of
mind...
...when faced with one of "life's little surprises".
To get the maximum benefit from this test, take it twice. The first
time, allow yourself no time to think. Answer with the first
thing that pops into your head. In "real life", you need to react almost
instantly to developing situations. The second time, you can allow
yourself the luxury of pondering at length on what you should have done,
a sort of leisurely post mortem.
Many of the situations presented here have actually taken place.
- As you walk from a store, a young woman approaches you. She boldly
announces, with a mischievous grin on her face, that she had been
watching you paw through the cookware. "I could tell, you add up the
prices in your head", she says. How do you answer?
- Walking down the street, you notice an attractive woman several
hundred feet away seem to stare at you, possibly even smile. Do you
approach her? How? What do you say?
- At the supermarket, a well-dressed woman stares into your shopping
cart. She remarks that you seem to have a special liking for canned
spaghetti. Could she be "hitting" on you or is she just making a joke at
your expense?
- You have been good, but not intimate friends with a woman for years.
She trusts and confides in you. She is in the process of breaking up
with her longtime boyfriend. She turns to you for comfort and solace. Is
it time for something more than friendship between the two of you?
- On the street, you run into a classmate from high school. She walks
right up to you and starts chatting, as if she had seen you just last
week, rather than a decade ago. She would not have condescended to
notice you back in school, but now she is extremely friendly, even
intrusive. Do you respond to her overtures?
- At work, a woman loudly announces to her friends that she would
accept an invitation from "anyone" to a certain dance club. She happens
to be looking in your direction and she seems to have taken pains to
ensure you will overhear her. You scarcely know the woman, and had not
even considered approaching her. What to do?
- As the office party breaks up, amidst considerable noise and
confusion, a woman you hardly know grabs you and kisses you on the
lips, hard. After you recover from shock, you decide rather enjoyed the
sensation. Is she drunk, or does this indicate genuine interest in you?
- The woman you have been going out with shows up late for dates
consistently, at times an hour or more. She always has an excuse, but
you are beginning to get just a bit annoyed.
- As you pass a group of young women on the street, one of them makes a
rather suggestive remark about you, to the accompaniment of raucous
laughter from the others.
- The obligatory blind date disaster. A good friend has set you
up with "the perfect woman". You talked with her on the phone and seemed
to hit it off quite nicely. When you show up at the rendezvous, here is
this alluring Hollywood film star wannabe in a tight fitting sweater,
reeking of expensive perfume, literally oozing glamor, flaunting her
good looks. She takes one look at you and visibly recoils. She
seemed to have been expecting a male counterpart, and her distaste for
you is all too plain.
If there are no wrong answers, neither are there correct ones to the
problems given. A workable strategy depends not only on the situation
and the people involved, but on timing, "delivery", and a good measure
of luck. The following are only suggestions, tantalizing hints to
provoke your thinking. Detailed solutions are left as an
"exercise for the reader".
- Smile. That's always a good start. "Hmmm, I'm honored that you
consider my shopping technique worthy of your attention, milady. While I
don't consider shopping for frying pans a critically important activity,
all the same, I do my humble best. And, no, I can't quite track all
the prices, as I seem to have a sticking digit somewhere behind my
left eye. It helps if I whack my forehead occasionally, like so..."
- Smile back. Wave. Give her the chance to respond. If she does
not, shrug your shoulders and walk on.
- "Well, yes, I enjoy this particular brand for the tangy metallic
flavor of the sauce. For a fellow who finds boiling water a nearly
impossible task, I think I do a pretty fair job at making this stuff at
least marginally fit to eat."
- Remain friends. Give her comfort and support, but be extremely wary
of becoming more closely involved with her, at least at this time.
- Talk is cheap. Stay noncommital, and let her carry the burden of the
conversation.
- This is a double whammy. On the one hand, she is displaying
behavior typical of a giggly teenager. On the other, she is making
it perfectly clear that she would be using you only as a convenience,
to provide an escort for her into the club, and that any generic male
would do just as well. Let her find another victim.
- The next working day, flowers for her arrive at the office, with an
unsigned card saying, "The kiss lingers".
- You seem to be number 468 on her list of priorities. Have a long
talk with her, but realize the relationship may be in serious trouble.
- Rudeness has become a national epidemic. Consider this a minor
annoyance, the equivalent of bird droppings falling on you from the
sky. Keep walking.
- "I'm not quite what you were expecting, Leila. It does appear that
we are quite unsuited for each other, and it would be my pleasure to
relieve you of the obligation of spending the evening with me."
Put her into a taxi. Go home. Cook yourself a spicy pasta. Read a good
book. Consider yourself fortunate not to have wasted a perfectly fine
evening entertaining an airhead.
Construct other possible scenarios, based on your own experience and on
what you have read and heard about. Act out what you would do, speaking
your role aloud, as if you were a performer in a play. For added
realism, you may enlist a friend or family member to play the role of
the woman involved. Be aware, though, that when "the real thing" comes,
it will be unexpected and most likely take you completely by surprise.
Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the
instruction afterward.