HOW-2 Meet Women



Chapter 11

Deepening the Relationship

You have been dating a nice woman, and the two of you seem to feel at ease with each other and enjoy being together. It feels right being with her, but you have yet to touch, to hold hands, to exchange more than a hug and a nominal kiss or two. Where do you go from here?

Talk. Set up lines of communication. Establish a rapport.

Share interests, activities, and hobbies. Develop customs and "traditions" unique to yourselves as a couple. Build trust. Learn how to disagree. Get to know her family, and introduce her to your own.

There comes that magic moment when you finally touch, when she fiercely grasps your hand of her own free will, when you start to give her the usual goodnight peck on the cheek and she turns her face to catch the kiss full on her lips (and, oh, how soft and yielding and warm they are!). This is a healing touch, an affirmative, giving touch. It is a pledge of yearned for commitment, a seed cast upon the waters of tomorrow.

Consider the process, the dynamic of how two people become one, a couple. The two of you gradually grow closer, begin to have deep feelings for one another, and to bond. Past a certain threshold, you cease to think of the woman as someone you have been dating, instead she becomes the other half of us. This is the point where commitment enters the picture, commitment to the relationship and to the happiness and well being of your partner. This is the critical moment when you decide to share your life together.


Since you are somewhat inexperienced in the realm of man-woman relationships, you will blunder at first, learning by trial and error, making painful mistakes. You force the pace, letting your anxiety and impatience bruise the fragile trust between you. You let personal insecurities drive you to acts of jealousy. You try to change, or "remodel" her. Your strategems to pull her closer, to take possession of her -- drive her away. Sometimes, it seems as if all your efforts are self-defeating...

Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may never 'kindle'. If such be the case, consider it 'training' for your next one. Go on with your life. Meet new persons. Explore new relationships.

Finally, recognize that even a close relationship may go sour. Danger signs in a failing relationship include lack of respect between partners, constant bickering, and, most telling of all, power and domination dramas. If the two of you can no longer make each other laugh, give each other comfort by a touch, and share intimate moments, then there is little hope left. If your partner disparages and makes fun of you, there is not much remaining to hold on to. You can no longer evade hard choices, and the time has come to consider a graceful exit.

Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing...
Shakespeare, Sonnet 87


How will I know that she is the one for me?

"Love at first sight" is a verifiable phenomenon, but don't count on it happening to you. More commonly, it will gradually dawn on the both of you, during the course of the relationship, that you have a special bond, and perhaps, just perhaps are meant for each other.

How can I be sure she loves me?

You can't.

How can I test her love?

Relationships are based on trust. "Testing" her love violates that trust and demeans both of you.

When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.

Honore de Balzac