HOW-2 Meet Women



Chapter 3

Challenging the Conventional Wisdom


Expanding Horizons

Popular culture depicts a sleek, long legged, big-breasted, nubile blonde as the ideal love partner... just the type of fantasy woman who would turn up her nose at a shy man, and why not, as she could choose from any number of ruggedly handsome socially adept men... These are the beautiful people, a world unto themselves, unapproachable, narcissistic, smug, and far removed from reality. Shy men are well advised to stay clear of this particular crowd.

Consider instead women outside the mainstream. Fellow social outcasts, they are real people, human beings who have had to grapple with life's hardships, to endure pain, to choke on embarrassment, to feel the lash of rejection... just as you have. Struggling with problems, rebounding from failure, learning by necessity to fight - all this develops the personality, forces one to grow, to become fully human, to become capable of loving and worthy of being loved.

Sweets are first tasted by the eye, but flavour is the heart and soul of all confectionery.
John Millar

"Ugly" women glow with a serene inner beauty. Their faces are a study in rococo sculpture, an unfamiliar language of landscape and form, an intricate and convoluted roadmap of life itself. Their bodies hold promise of hidden delights. Their spirits reach out in too-long denied explosive passion.

Fat women are round and cuddly. Lush and sensuous, warm and accepting, they radiate love. Their endless flowing curves, impossible to encompass save by caress, express the very essence of femaleness. Soft and yielding, ever so much more squeezable than their sharp-edged bony sisters, they submerge you in their embrace, their embrace, oh, so sweet, the Primeval Ocean, the source of life.

Older women make better lovers, as celebrated in song and folklore. Their life skills uplift shy youthful lovers past barriers of fear and inexperience. Unexcelled as nurturers and teachers, they bestow patience and understanding. They care.

Handicapped women overflow with boundless love. Forging vast inner resources to cope with physical infirmity, they infuse strength annealed with compassion into a relationship. Having anguished, but not shattered, flamed but not burned, cried but not despaired, they bear hope and healing to the fortunate men who find them.

Women of different races and cultures blend an aura of the exotic with a tinge of the forbidden. Diversity adds color to a relationship, and a touch of the strange lends spice and excitement to the flowering of intimacy.

You may want a conventionally beautiful woman hanging on your arm, one you could proudly show off to friends and family as a mark of personal achievement, as a status symbol. What you need is closeness and honesty in an emotionally supportive relationship. Look for a real woman, a woman who, like yourself, has experienced pain and rejection because she does not conform to society's standards of appearance. Look for a woman whose beauty is more than skin-deep.

                               She walks in beauty, like the night
                               Of cloudless climes and starry skies.
                                             Lord Byron 


Redefining Roles

Creative self-defense against the system requires stepping outside it. As a shy person, you already have the advantage of being an outsider. The perceptual prison of traditionalism need not bind and limit you, rather, it can be used to your advantage.

You, the shy person, have been assigned a role, a mask to wear, by your social group. Left in the background, pushed aside by your more aggressive peers in competition for mates, treated as a "younger brother" by eligible women, you cannot help seeing yourself as victim. Stop. Take a hand in the writing of the story, not just in the acting.

Gracefully accept the role of a safe, non-threatening friend. Be the confidante, the shoulder to cry on, the sympathetic listener. Observe, listen, and learn. Stay aloof from the role playing, the manipulative mating behavior of the other inmates of the asylum. When your time comes, and it will, you'll have grown into the persona of the wise man, the healer, your "elder" self, a giver of love. And to the giver shall be given.

Behold the answer to the age-old question, how can I make her love me?

You cannot.

She will love you, or she will love you not.
If she loves you, rejoice.
If she loves you not, find another.

What will not woman, gentle woman dare,
When strong affection stirs her spirit up?
Robert Southey


Special Handling Required

What an enigma is woman. Seldom understood, often abused and reviled, regarded with a mixture of awe and fear, she is dismissed as a distraction from important affairs, yet still revered as the ultimate Mystery. Traditionally forced into the role of the scapegoat, treated with contempt or outright brutality, intimidated, exploited and used, she has suffered much at the hands of her men. Forgotten is that woman has been the keeper of the racial wisdom, the crucible of culture, the preserver of civilization, the nurturer of life, the center of family and the clan, the source of creation.

Treat women kindly, and be rewarded. Leave control and mind games to your cruder brethren, the users and manipulators. You have evolved past that. Cherish and respect all women, for is not every woman at the core the image of your mother, your daughter, your lover?

Without love, intelligence is dangerous
Without intelligence, love is not enough.
Ashley Montagu