HOW-2 Meet Women



Chapter 2

What Attracts Women?


Humans are attracted to one other for the oddest reasons. Traits one woman finds irritating or even repellent in a man will strike another as cute and endearing. Affection colors perception. The woman who loves you will judge you lovingly.

Think of your long nose or jutting ears as barriers to keep the "wrong" women away. Your warts are your very own. Yours. Part of your persona. Even were you classically handsome and rich, would you truly want women attracted for just those reasons? The traits that are intrinsic to you, that set you apart, that make you unique are what you will be loved for and treasured. Find a woman who will value you for what you are, and she will be worthy of your love.

Learn the lesson here - to look past "skin deep" appearance. This will enlarge the pool of eligible women and improve your odds of finding the one to love... a woman who has likewise learned this.


What physical traits attract women?

Might you find it useful to create a personal style, to become known by a "trademark" (clothes, boots, mustache or beard, hairstyle...)? This can provide an ego boost and attract attention, make a striking first impression. Note that the attention you attract might not be of the desirable kind. The technique is not without its perils, and is not necessarily appropriate for you.

Now, the critical question is, just how significant are your looks, when it comes to attracting women?

Physical appearance is not very important.


You are an intelligent person. Recognize this. Wisdom, gleaned from painful experience, builds the judgement to make reasoned decisions. Knowledge and competence set you apart. Talents and skills, carefully nurtured, win respect from your peers... but do not fall into the trap of arrogance. Calm and controlled, exercise common sense, that most noble of virtues. You have attained maturity.

You are an honest person. Your source of inner strength is rock-solid integrity, an iron-clad sense of honor. Practice restraint and do not abuse your authority over others. Have a kind, generous heart and help those less fortunate. Value morality, but show compassion toward the weaknesses of others, and understand your own.

You are a shy person. Yet does not your very shyness set you apart, give you your own particular charm, exalt you? Shyness is your center, your power, your shield and armor. Wear it proudly. Glory in it.

Life is funny, and sometimes bizarre. Laugh at it, and at your own self. People who take themselves too seriously are pompous, and make spectacles of themselves. A sense of humor keeps things in perspective, preserves your sanity, and perchance might even entertain your friends and associates.

Let yourself be a thoughtful and caring person. As an attentive listener, you inspire trust in others, and they freely express their feelings in your presence. Your sensitivity gives you insight into their needs. Express your own feelings in an honest but restrained manner, and do not hide your vulnerability. Give and accept compliments. Help. Give comfort. Be a friend as well as a lover.

Acquire the skill of translating your inner dialog. Share yourself with others. Speak what you mean, no more and no less. Practice writing, be it a whimsical piece of fiction, or a love letter. Expression is the art of communicating to others your thoughts and feelings, it is a tool and a weapon, and is something of a lost art in the modern age.

Cultivate and learn to trust your intuition. Most people can sense "kindred spirits" even across a crowded room full of strangers. You may find a woman in harmony and in tune with your feelings and beliefs at the exact time that she finds you, almost as if by magic. It is indeed a magic of sorts, a poorly understood ability we all have, if it has not been irrevocably damaged by skepticism and ridicule. It is is a "wild talent", an ability to feel out, sense, intuit, and know another person before even speaking a word to her. Note that this is separate and distinct from character judgment, an important learned skill that acts as a double-check and brake on intuition.

Confidence has at its foundation a sense of purpose. Calm, but singleminded, pursue your goals while respecting the needs and feelings of others. Firm, but not overbearing, inspire others to share your commitments. Forthright and plain spoken, radiate security.

Willingness to stand up for yourself and your beliefs gives the courage to dare, to take risks, though tempered with the wisdom to know when to step back from the brink. Be willing to speak your mind, but know when to hold your tongue. Overcome adversity, survive setbacks, learn from mistakes. Discipline and self-control give you the inner strength to endure.

Be responsible. Keep your word. Always. Develop a reputation for consistency. Win trust by your reliability. Honor your commitments. Give loyalty when it is earned, and inspire it in others.

Stay open to new ideas. Be spontaneous, but reasoned. Accept challenges... judiciously. Smell the flowers. Appreciate a sunset.

Nurture the "little kid" in you, preserve the "boyishness" (women love this). Better to be a bit naive, than jaded and used up. Do not let life's hardships grind you down and make you cynical.

Be a happy person, and show it. Communicate your joy in life. Have a smile ready for everyone (it can be a shy smile). Play.

"Chemistry", animal magnetism, charisma - the mysterious forces that govern so much of human destiny. In truth, we are all blessed (or damned) with these qualities, yet in the normal course of events they are masked by the hurts we wear, by lack of self-confidence, by the roles our families and acquaintances force upon us. Learn to become your true self, grow, liberate the powers within, and discover that you, too, can develop the knack for attracting women.

A Digression

Why are so many women attracted to married men, obsessed by them? The married man has no need to "play games" or prove himself, thus he tends to be relaxed and confident in his dealings with the opposite sex. He wears the shining armour of his experience and exudes an aura of "forbidden fruit". He is unavailable, and his very inaccessibility makes him highly desirable. This is a deadly combination.

So, what can the single guy learn from all this? Act married. You need not "play games" or prove yourself, thus be relaxed and confident in your dealings with the opposite sex. Do not let yourself be too accessible to the opposite sex; let the women invest at least a little bit of effort to get near you. Above all, avoid the behavior patterns of being "on the prowl" (veritably oozing neediness and desperation). Running after women, panting, with your tongue literally hanging out, you play the fool. Staying detached, just a bit distant, cool-calm-collected, you radiate confidence and strength. Wear the shining armour of your very own experience and exude an aura of "forbidden fruit", of being the proud, sensitive, strong, and yes, desirable shy man.

Overcome your own appearance prejudices, stop rejecting possible partners because you judge them too fat, too old, too unattractive... Tolerance and compassion toward the "failings" of the woman you seek will help you find the one who will accept your own imperfections. Mutual acceptance is the key.


Some years back, a personal ad in the Village Voice, a New York 'alternative' paper, specified " walking wounded". How could this be... are we not are all wounded? It is virtually impossible to grow up without being wounded. Many of us are "walking wounded", but the rest are too badly wounded even to walk. Which category did the woman who placed the ad fit?

Arthur's Law of Love

"People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else."